Die. [01 Feb 2008|11:55pm] School is going to kill me this semester. I need to focus more and completely stop fucking around online. I need to limit my leisure time to only lunch, dinner, and 45 minutes on the computer. I'm taking Intro to Psych 101: It's fairly easy, but there is tons of reading, and if I don't do it, then I have to work extra hard to catch up before a test, so I have to read. Two chapters out of the text a week, it's not sooo bad. It's very time consuming though. The book makes sense though so at least I'm not confused when reading it. Comparative Politics of Western Europe 311: I'm one of the few freshmen in the class- it sucks. Most of the students are politics major juniors. We have tons of reading assigned every week, roughly 50 pages of reading per discussion (100 pages a week) and it's really dense reading since they're all scholarly articles. I never finish the readings, I only start them. They never make sense. I hate them. I have a feeling this class is going to be so much harder than my previous politics class because the professor doesn't post his notes online. Cinema as an art form: This class blows. The man doesn't teach anything in lecture, but assigns us so much to read. We have to read numerous articles, find numerous resources online, and read out of a text. read a lot. The stuff we read has nothing to do with what we do in class. We've been studying citizen Kane for over two weeks now. All we hear is about the deep angle shots, the metaphors, foreshadowing.... very obvious things. I feel my neurons slowly dying when I sit in that class. I was hoping it would be a smaller, more interactive class. I was wrong. Applied Calc 121: Well....I'm doing good so far. I take notes like a fiend and study study study. I have to try really hard to actually do good in this class. it's hard, but I have no complaints. The class is good even if I do suck at math. My teacher has a thick chinese accent though which I sometimes have a problem understanding. Econ 201: Uhm, so far so good....we have no guidance in this class and only 2 tests for the semester. We have no assignments, we have readings assigned online and problems we can do to "practice" but nothing gets graded so I have no idea how the hell I'm supposed to know if I am doing well in the class or not. We have no grading criteria, no text book, no discussion section! The class is also huge...like all my other classes. So yeah....all my classes have over 100 students in them except for calc (40 students). I spend my days and weekends reading....reading reading reading, and depriving myself of sleep. So goodnight. your 2 cents...

[06 Dec 2007|02:15am] Totally public entry; About me: Luisa Gonzalez My dear lj friends, or at least those of you who still check lj anyway. You've watched me grow. I know you have. I just spent an hour re-reading old entries. You've watched me go through my first real relationship, my first real break up. You've watched my relationship with my family evolve (somewhat), and you've seen my attitude change-for the better I hope. I'd like to think I've grown into a better person. Smarter, that's for sure. I'm ashamed at how much pride I took in how much I "knew". God, I was such a fucking teenage know-it-all. I'll gladly admit now I was an idiot and I didn't know anything about the real world. I'll go as far to admit that I still don't know anything about the real world. I know how to judge people more though. I also have learned that being nice doesn't necessarily mean being naive or tolerant. I've learned that manners and efforts towards kindness are of great value, but ambition should be a primary motive for most things. I've also learned one should mask ruthlessness with devotion. I also know I don't need to be smart to make it in this world. I just need to be accepting and flexible, I guess. I also know I have so many years ahead of me. I've grown so much in the past 4, I can't image where I'll be 10 years from now. Hopefully happy. Yours truly, One lost teenager their 2 cents, your 2 cents...

[03 Dec 2007|12:13am] I can count the times I've been forgotten by your fun escapades. We all seek to please ourselves and there's nothing more pleasing than flattering ourselves by convincing ourselves that we're self-sacrificial. Wallowing in self-pity, it affects my daily living You care not for what I want to think but what you can mold me to think. and how many times your name can come up in my day You're alone because things haven't worked out. You're alone in a sea of friends you can talk to Yet me, I'm well accompanied by a pillow, a cafeteria, a computer, and a phone Your self-image of self-sacrifice preserves itself on the thought that I'm in heaven. This is hell, and this is MY writing. So now you know...or maybe not. But I'm trying to help you see. your 2 cents...

[28 Nov 2007|04:23pm] I want to do something impulsive, yet well-planned and well-executed. I'm extremely serious about the following proposition and I am looking for fellow comrades who would like to do this with me! This summer, I would like to buy a round-trip ticket to somewhere in either Switzerland, Northern Italy, or Eastern Germany. From there, I would want to visit the following cities: Munich Prague Vienna Bratislava Zagreb Budapest Bucharest Istanbul It's probably not gonna happen, and if it does, I think Istanbul would be out of the question, but yes...I basically want to travel to Southeastern Europe. I have already visited France, the UK, Italy, Switzerland, The Netherlands, and Belgium, so I have had my fill of western europe. it'd be nice to go to southwestern europe (Spain/Portugal, and include Morocco in there), but right now I wanna explore something new and not as remote as Australia and China (I don't think I'm quite ready for that). I know in the future I will travel pretty much everywhere. There's so much to see. It feels like I don't have enough time. their 3 cents, your 2 cents...

[05 Nov 2007|02:50am] The rhythm pulsates through everyones fingertips as thei anxiously communicate their desires into a tiny screen. 3 in the morning, a slight coffee buzz veiled with a sheet of drowsiness and yet nothing has been accomplished. Into the kes i strum the chords of my heart as t stops feeling for a munute and oricesses the fast tracked rhoughts that speed thorugh my brain too fast for me to look down or even understand. I refuse to look down, to stop, to think, to be coherent, I dont care anymore. Im just so ried. I a ust so tired. I am just so tired. the tunes in my head. wt I feel, iis my blood dancicng in me, I want to close my eyes and float, I ant to jump odd high builin but never hit the grund. I wanna fall and be caight. I wana laguh, I wanna scream. I want to do everything all at once, and breathe, and squeeze someone tightly so they feel my power underneath them. I want to be ue;;ed at/ want to cry. I want to feel ...anything but ths numbness with a tired heart. I want a loud noise. not the constant sound of an elevator...up, and down. up, and don. people taking an elebatpr two stories u, over ad over...the bane of our existence. so this scene is scarry. In some sense. the flourescent lights just make everythng more eery. I don't know what to do. I'm not looking at wht I'm typing. I'm looking aorund. now those were prcessed thought to serve as explanations for why my spelling might suck or this may not make sense. do as ye will. their 2 cents, your 2 cents...

[27 Sep 2007|05:26pm] Heh, just a month into the semester, and I can't wait to transfer. I'm going to DC tomorrow. I feel stupid for being so excited, but finally...I get to leave this bubble! your 2 cents...

[08 Sep 2007|02:58am] I've never felt so alone. I really need someone right now. No one seems to be available =/ I feel so alone. their 2 cents, your 2 cents...

[17 Aug 2007|12:14am] I think the reason why we cry now is because even though we say nothing will change and we will keep in touch, deep down we know we're lying to ourselves. As much as we try to convince ourselves that we can manage to keep things the same, change is inevitable and we can't erase that from the back of our minds. We can try, but nothing will remain the same. I think we just have to embrace that change and learn to love it. Just because our friendships won't be the same doesn't mean their value depreciates. I'm never going to forget how much my friends mean to me. As for Andrew, we're not gonna remain the same. I hope things change, evolve, and grow between us. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm willing to try anything out. I think what we have now is special, as cliche as that may sound. I'm not stupid. This isn't the first time I've been with someone so I'm not a puppy love struck teenager talking bull. I'm not in love with him because of his looks, his smarts, or even his personality. What draws me to him is the comfort he makes me feel. I've exposed myself to him; the good, the bad, and the really stupid. How many girls can point out their stretch marks to their boyfriends in perfect trust or comfort? your 2 cents...

[05 Aug 2007|11:31pm] I woke up to one of the greatest days ever. I demand a repeat :) your 2 cents...

[28 Jul 2007|07:52pm] I think I'm losing that will. I wish this didn't have to happen, and I wish I could be heard. I couldn't be any clearer, but I guess the recipent would have to give a fuck... therein lies the problem. /problem solved. (I think/hope/BELIEVE) your 2 cents...

[12 May 2007|02:27pm] "In him the man and the wolf did not go the same way together, but were in continual and deadly enmity. One existed simply and solely to harm the other, and when there are two in one blood and in one soul who are at deadly enmity, then life fares ill. " your 2 cents...

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